This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
