ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
