There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
