You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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