Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
