Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize