how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
