He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
