My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
