I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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