he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
