this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
