My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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