I want to have your abortion
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
