Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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