So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
