Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
