i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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