I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
