Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
