I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
