If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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