but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
