I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
