Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
