We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
