Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think we might need a safe word for this...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
