fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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