Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
