She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He did a backflip because drugs
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