Christians are straight up FREAKS
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
