I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
