guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
