After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
