Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
