I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
