i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
