Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
