AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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