And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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