i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
