It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
