Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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