Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
