I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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