return my video game
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
