shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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