Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize