dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize