To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
