Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
