I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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