He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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