theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize