good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
