dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
