I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
