This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
