I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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