Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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