Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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