We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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