hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
