Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
