no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
